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DAILY GRIND – from The Prisoner’s Prayer Book

I sit at my desk, beads of sweat rolling down my face.  I hear the steady blast of large fans in the dayroom.  My own fan moves the air in my room much more gently.  The ketunk ketunk of the ping pong ball is an almost constant sound throughout the day and early night.  Monotonous sounds.  Dull, just as my life behind these walls.  Each day, each night are always the same.

I know I must serve my time to pay for all the wrongs I have done, but Lord, let me use this time for good.  Father, help me to see past the ordinary.  Help me to recognize Your hand at work – yes, even in this prison.  Help me to appreciate little things that I would otherwise not notice.  Help me to take the time to stop to help someone in need. Make me stop to listen to a fellow prisoner who wants to talk.

Grant me eyes to see You in others, Lord, and ears to hear You speak.  Let my words be loving words.  Guide my feet to remain on the path that You
have set, oh Lord.  Protect me from the evil that surrounds me.  Allow me, Lord, to live a life that is anything but ordinary.

Rehabilitation

Mr. C. paints. He’s good. Lately he has been working on portraits. He believes that art moves people. He’s been working on portraits for notable people in his home town. His purpose, he said, is “to establish a good name with as many of these pillars in our community who truly believe that a young drug addicted uneducated inner city kid can truly change.” WOW.

This man has gotten the point of prison! He has changed. He has also become socially conscious. He is aware of prejudice, of people believing that someone behind bars can never change. Still, he wants people “on the outside” to know about himself and others like him!

Isn’t this what prison is supposed to be about? This man has reformed. He has developed a most wonderful talent. He is using it. Now he wants the outside world to know what he has accomplished. I applaud Mr. C. and others like him. Wouldn’t it be great if this kind of behavior was rewarded?

Trust

“And from everyone who has been given much shall much be required….” (Luke 12:48; NAS)

This verse from the bible keeps coming to mind lately. I am not saying this to brag, but I am feeling overwhelmed by God’s goodness to me. My life has been very blessed. Yet, as I look around me, I see so many struggling. A friend recently lost her father; another friend, her sister-in-law. Several friends struggle financially, some with illness. I now actually know prisoners who are close to giving up. One young man is emotionally disturbed and his mother is fighting for him like a mother tiger defending her cub.  The list goes on.

I wish that God would give me a road map, or drop a sign on my head so I could know where I am heading. His gentle leading makes me feel I’m on the right track, and yet, I feel some trepidation. What if I miss the signs? What if I don’t have the courage? What if I become overwhelmed?

I guess I am learning to trust these days, far more than I have ever trusted before. I am – very slowly – learning to turn my concerns over to God, whatever the issue. That is difficult to do when one has tried to be self sufficient and independent her entire life. I have to believe that I will be able to walk the path before me with His blessings and guidance. I pray for similar blessings on all who struggle with the hills and valleys of life.

“…for your Father knows what you need, before you ask Him.” (Matt 6:8; NAS)

Letters from Within

I have been impressed by the letters I’ve received from prisoners. Perhaps they don’t represent the majority of prisoners, but I think I can honestly say that, without exception, each person with whom I have corresponded has seemed sincere (although perhaps a bit tentative at first), perhaps not necessarily scholastic, yet always appreciative. Most often, they seem surprised that you would want to write to them, but are most thankful that you do.

It isn’t hard to take a little time to just sit down and write a letter. From the responses I’ve received, in fact, I believe it is time well spent. So far, I know that I have made a number of individuals feel that they are worthwhile human beings. The simple fact that someone has taken the time to write, means a great deal to them.

Humanity for Prisoners has a program called Project Window. Through this simple program, a commitment is made by an individual to write to a prisoner for one year. The letter writer uses only his or her first name, and the address used is that of a sponsoring church. For anyone wanting to begin a program of prisoner outreach, this could be a most simple beginning.

Who knows? The time you take from your busy day may, at least in part, be one small step toward helping an incarcerated individual take many of those steps toward his or her re-entry into society. It will, no doubt, increase that person’s sense of self worth. Finally – although it may come as a surprise  – you may find that it will become for you both a rewarding and inspiring experience.

Holding On

Prisoner One is counting the days and trying to make plans for his release. Prisoner Two is biding his time, trying to make the best of an unfortunate situation, unwilling to give up the fight for his freedom. Prisoner Three has given up on ever being released. Prisoner Four has been in solitary confinement for months now – enough to make anyone want to give up! Prisoner Five is dying of terminal cancer. If I don’t miss my best guess, there are actually many Prisoner Ones, Twos, Threes, Fours and Fives, and I can’t begin to put myself in their shoes.

What keeps these men and women going? If they are lucky, they have a belief system. I think that hope must play a large role. Hope for a better tomorrow.

Doesn’t that make us a lot alike? Don’t all of us want something better for ourselves and for others? In spite of such a materialistic world, Christmas at least makes us stop and think of others.

Today, as I think of friends and loved ones who are sad, lonely, struggling to go on, facing death, or knowing someone who is dying, I think also about Prisoners One, Two, Three, Four, and Five. My Christmas wish for everyone is that they all know an abundance of hope…hope for a better tomorrow…hope for new and fulfilling relationships…hope for a fresh start…a new day…another year… another life. Blessings and hope and peace to one and all!

Hope and Value

Recently, blogs have begun to reflect on 2011 and are looking toward the new year. Certainly, my accomplishment this year has been having The Prisoner’s Prayer Book published. My life is otherwise pretty unremarkable. To the question “what do I want for 2012” I hope that the words in the prayers of this book will make a
difference in the lives of some prisoners. I pray that those who are lonely,
hopeless, even despairing, will pick up this book, read a few prayers, and be
moved. I want to instill hope.

I also want to create awareness within the general public. Before I volunteered for prison ministry, I knew absolutely nothing about this mysterious world behind bars. I didn’t know any prisoners. My “awareness” came only from what I may have seen on television or in the movies. Now I have a new awareness. I suspect there are many others out there for whom “prison” has never been a part of their vocabulary.

The size of a cell is approximately eight feet by ten feet. Sometimes, that space is shared. You are confined until the lock is released. You might be allowed only one hour out in the yard each day, and maybe time for a shower several times a week. Your food, shall we say, is not fine dining. If you are among those in a lower security level, you might be in a dormitory-like setting, but that will probably have more individuals housed there than the size for which the space was originally intended. You may be fortunate to have a “job” – if you can call it that. You work for pennies per hour. You try to save enough to pay for envelopes and stamps, personal hygiene products, maybe future phone calls. Yet, phone calls are expensive, as are the store items that you are allowed to buy.

From what I have learned, there is very little in the way of education or rehabilitation. These individuals are merely housed. When they have served their time, they may or may not be released on a timely basis. They will have been provided very little with which to change their lives for the better. They will return to the same locations from which they came.

I don’t mean to say that punishment for a crime is not warranted. I do, however, believe that these are men and women with souls, who have value. Often, they themselves do not know that. All too often, the crime was committed in a moment of passion. They never thought about, never knew what the consequences might be and what could lie ahead. We house these men and women in cages. Too often, they are treated worse than animals.

What I want for 2012, is greater awareness of what goes on beyond that barbed wire, those doors, and locking gates. I want education of the public, and I want education for prisoners. I want rehabilitation for prisoners. How else can we expect behaviors to change when they return to society? There are individuals with talent, skills, and possibilities who are being warehoused behind bars. Let’s harness that ability and talent! Let’s direct it for good. Let’s treat these, our fellow human beings, with dignity and respect, and give them hope for the future.

We are told to pray as though our prayers have already been answered. Envision it:  model men and women who have paid for their crime, who have learned respect for themselves and others, whose abilities and talents have been recognized. Now they have skills and self-worth and a desire to contribute to society. Yes, THIS is what I want for 2012. THIS is my prayer for the new year!

Facing Death

The sister-in-law of a very good friend is dying. She has fought a lengthy battle with cancer, but the vicious disease has now taken the lead. She was able to spend Thanksgiving with family, but she and everyone else were aware that it was very likely to be her last. Just recently, within this same family, a new baby was born. How amazing that one life will soon be lost  just as another has recently begun!

I’m thinking today of the men and women in prison who are dying, without family or friends nearby. There are very few prison hospices, but how I wish there were more! I would hold a hand or empty a bedpan just to be able to be with someone imprisoned, without any chance of release, who is dying alone.

When I think about these things, I have to force myself to find the positive. For dying prisoners, there is hope that they are going to a better life. There is prayer that they have learned from their experience, that they are sorry for their deeds and/or that they have learned to live with a fate that seems unjustified. Yes, when these lives are lost, I believe they will begin anew.

Today I pray for those who are dying. I ask that they will be able to remain strong as they bridge the final rapids of life. I also honor those who care for the dying as they offer gentle care to the lonely, the frightened, the  sad, and the struggling. May peace arrive as earthly struggles end, and may those who wait with the dying be blessed.

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Father, I thank You. You blessed me with parents who loved me and treasured me as gold. You have placed wonderful people in my path as I have traveled this road of life. I have a home, enough food, some money in the bank, and friends beyond measure. I have known love. I’ve known sadness. I live in a beautiful state, in gorgeous country where I can experience Your handiwork every day. Your blessings are everywhere, and I have been showered with Your goodness.

Help me to share with others the gifts that have been given to me. Open my eyes to the needs around me. Take away my selfishness. Allow me to make a difference in the lives of others, in whatever ways I can, today and every day, always.

Thank You, Father. Thank You. I am grateful.

The Beginning

When I began considering prison ministry possibilities the seed for this book was sown. Prison. It was an entity with which I was unfamiliar. An only child, sheltered and protected, my parents sent me to a Catholic school. I followed the rules and hung out with friends who also followed the rules. To me, prisoners just weren’t a part of my vocabulary. They didn’t exist in my frame of reference. I only knew what I saw on television and in the movies. I just never thought about them.

When I couldn’t shake off thoughts about prison ministry, I volunteered. Following the application process, I was allowed to go into a high security prison, to meet men who had committed very serious crimes, and to worship with them. My sheltered life now the backdrop, I
was extremely moved by what I encountered. While these men didn’t understand why I would give up part of my Saturday afternoon for them, they were starved for human contact, and hungry for a listening ear.

As time went on, I watched men who didn’t read well eagerly volunteer to read Scripture. I saw them stumble over words, and I wondered if they understood what they were reading. I also began writing to a couple of men who were transferred to other prisons.

Gradually I was led toward writing simple prayers that I thought might be easier for them to read, as well as understand. I tried to capture some of the language with which they would be more familiar. I attempted to reflect settings they would recognize. I met a man whose mission was to advocate for fair and decent treatment of prisoners. He supplied me with many ideas for additional subject matter and the result has become The Prisoner’s Prayer Book.

At the prison I didn’t see men who had committed horrific crimes, though they most likely had. I saw men who were lonely and who longed to be heard. I saw men who had needs. They had talent. Some could draw. Some wrote poetry. Some were seriously committed to taking correspondence classes. I saw souls who longed to know they hadn’t been forgotten.

Throughout this experience I met individuals as human as you and me. They were lonely. They hurt. They wanted affirmation just as much as you and I do. They had talent and potential (though it’s quite possible nobody had ever told them so).

Unfortunately, the prison system doesn’t seem to care about those things. The prison system is punitive, often Draconian in its treatment of individuals who have other needs which should be addressed  before change can occur.

Prison populations are exploding. The general public is learning more, but for those who have no first or second hand experience, there is little understanding of what it is really like for men and women behind bars. I hope that further public education will occur. I pray that more compassion will be extended toward the imprisoned. I hope and I pray that “the system” will – sooner, rather than later – come to realize that rehabilitation and positive encouragement are critical to stopping this epidemic. I long to see the day when the support of loved ones may come to be recognized as equally important, even vital, to realizing change in individuals. To slightly alter the words of poet Robert Frost, we have miles to go before we sleep.

To those who have allowed me inside their lives – even just a little – I thank you so very much.