Is Less More?

I have never thought of myself as controlling.

Yet…my husband has said that he thinks I am. I will admit that the older I get, the more set in my ways I become. I feel I have (mostly) figured out “who” I am, and what I want, but it is very hard to give up that identity search that has taken me a lifetime to perfect. I do continue to try to hone the person I have become. Does that make me controlling?

I wonder if a controlling person has a more difficult time following biblical advice to trust in the Lord? How do I now stop this behavior that has taken me years to develop, and learn to patiently wait upon the Lord? Just how do I convince myself to NOT proceed toward a goal (in my own possibly hell-bent fashion), instead of stopping…listening…and trying to hear that which He is trying to tell me? How do I learn to long for, pray for, hope for, all of that to happen in His time? How do I listen for His voice? In a sense, how do I now stop being me?

Perhaps that is what Scripture means when it speaks of losing oneself (Matthew 16:25).

Lord God, I would agree that I need Your help. I am often headstrong and determined. Help me to die to my selfish desires, and to desire to live in You. Help me to want – for me – the same things that You want for me. Holy Spirit, open my eyes, and my ears that I might recognize and achieve Your nobler path.