I want something amazing to happen! I want something so powerful to happen that there will be no doubt in my mind the meaning it has for me. I want direction, faith, and commitment to suddenly surface in my life. Is that too much to ask?
I so admire those who know exactly where they are going. I envy those who believe strongly, those who commit to a cause, and those who cannot be shaken in their beliefs. I’m a pretty loyal person, but I’m sporadic about causes. At times I simply become discouraged because there are so many causes out there – far more than I have the money to support. And what difference can just I make? Sometimes it simply feels discouraging. Sometimes it angers me. If even half of the money that gets spent on political ads, or on movies that erupt repeatedly with explosions, could be spent on needs within our society, what a difference we could be make! Instead, I feel discouraged, and in need of direction.
I don’t have a huge amount of money, thus I feel I the need to be judicious about how I use what money I do have. Yet, I am selfish with it. Today’s sermon at church concerned tithing. Perhaps I feel guilty because I haven’t been giving much anywhere these days. I think, however, it’s more than that. I want to be so totally committed to something that nothing can sway me in my total support of it. I also want the most “bang for my buck.”
I believe that, if you believe strongly enough in something, you can change lives. I want to be able to communicate the same fervor, excitement, and commitment that I so admire in a select few whom I consider to be my mentors. I want to make that kind of difference in this world. My problem is akin to writer’s block. I look around me, recognize there are many options, and end up doing nothing at all.
I want to hear the drumming of that different drummer, and I long for a cause that is uniquely mine. I want to clearly recognize the need, and have not a single doubt. My fear is that, while doing nothing, I’m going to miss it if it ever comes along.
How do you choose, commit to, and faithfully support a cause? I want a road map. What must I do to get there? What must you?